guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
