You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
