Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
