ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
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