Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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