Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
