This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
