I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
