be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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