Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
