hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
