I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
