His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
