You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
