with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
