she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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