Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
