capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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