I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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