weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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