dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
