as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
