I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
