walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
