I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
