Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Randomize
