i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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