She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
