Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
