2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
