I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
