do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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