God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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