Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize