Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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