fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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