i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
