the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
