my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
