chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
