Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
i've created a new STD.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
