Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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