i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
