But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
