I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
