He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Pants are for mortals
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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