dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
