This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
It's blow job season.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
