all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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