Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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