There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
