I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
