Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
