I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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