naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
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